Speaking in Tongues… Momfinitions

Communicating with children can be difficult on a good day. Making the choice to have children means learning an entirely new language, consisting of words that after often made up on a whim. It

means learning sign language, and being creative in your expression and understanding. Parenthood can be related to travel in a foreign country where the simplest communications can become complicated chaos.

ParentsConnect.com posted a great article called Momfinitions that defines some useful words that have yet to make it into the dictionary. You can check out their site here, it is a great place for parents to talk, learn and connect with each other, and it provides you with a good giggle when you need to relax. 

Here are some my favorite Momfinitions from their post, as well as a few of my own. Many of which put a PG spin on some recognizable terms, and all of which are guaranteed to give you a good laugh… (It’s one of those ‘it’s funny cuz it’s true’ kind of moments) 

When you are done giggling, feel free to add your own…..

  • Booty Call – A call from the bathroom letting you know it’s time to go wipe someone’s butt.
  • Sleevekerchief – What you use to catch your child’s snot when there is no tissue around.
  • Diapergami – The secret parenting fold that turn a nasty diaper into a tidy package ready for the trash.
  • Keything Ring – What your key ring becomes in a teething pain emergency at the grocery store.
  • Boobifier – The act of using one’s boob as a pacifier.
  • Wuice – The watered-down juice at the bottom of your child’s sippy cup after you have refilled it throughout the day.
  • Unhappy Hour – The hour between 5 and 6 pm when every mother in America is desperately trying to entertain whiny, hungry children while simultaneously fixing dinner and tidying the house.
  • Peemergency – That moment, after you have loaded 10 bags of groceries and 3 kids into the car and just got on the highway, when your child announces that he has to go potty. Right. That. Instant!
  • Invisaowie – An owie so small that you can’t even see it, but it still requires a band-aid in order to stop the crying.
  • Snooze Control – The act of handing your child the remote control so they can tune to Nick Jr allowing your to get a few more mins sleep.
  • Toppler – A topless toddler, usually the result of an unprepared mother forgetting to bring along a change of clothes.
  • Boy-o-sphere – That strange, stuffy, puppy-breath kind of smell that permeates in a boy’s room, especially after they have had their door closed all day. Is it the laundry? Their shoes? You can’t quite place where it’s coming from, but you’ll know it when you smell it.
  • For Flying Peter Pans – A saying you use instead of profanity, when in the presence of small children.
  • Pootie – A pouty little baby face.
  • Peed Racer – What a dad becomes when he realizes there is a dirty diaper to be changed.
  • Peenial – A child’s denial of their need to urinate.
  • Thumb-dumb – The moment you realize, that unlike a pacifier, you can not take a thumb away.
  • Pundeled – The inevitable fact that as soon as you have your child fully dressed in their winter gear they will have to go to the potty.
  • Auto Re-say – The need to constantly repeat everything you say at least 12 times a day.
  • Dead-time – That glorious moment when you actually believe your child has fallen asleep without a fight, only to hear the pitter-patter of little feet along the floor.
  • Tubby-tears – A phase that all children seem to go through where they scream and cry in the bath tub.
  • Waddle Feet – Letting your child walk around with his shoes on the wrong feet because it’s easier than the fight it will take to change them.
  • Slug Hug – When your toddler hugs your leg and wipes her nose on it at the same time.
  • Snop – The snotty, slimy back wash left on your cup after your toddler takes a sip of your drink.
  • Ca-moon-a-K-shun – Your toddlers inability to clearly pronounce words, making everything sound cute.
  • Know-it-doll – A little girl who seems to have all the answers.
  • Sleaky – That awful moment when you realize your baby’s diaper has failed you.
  • Rottle – A bottle that has been hidden under the couch for an unknown length of time.
  • Entertelement – One of those days when you ignore all limits and simply use the television as a tool for amusement.
  • Mom-over – The art of making yourself look normal for a night out without the kids.
  • Wondry -Wondering when the last time you wore clean clothes was.
  • Shower-Power – A mothers amazing ability to shower, get dressed and be ready to go in a matter of minutes.
  • Snare – That look that you get just before your child throws a temper tantrum in the middle of Walmart.
  • History – Reading, and re-reading, the same bedtime story every night for 3 months straight.

 Special thanks to: ParentConnect.com for such a humorous post on parenting.


The Rise of Size

The appearance of plus sized models has skyrocketed over the last few years. Long-gone are the days of Kate Moss and the heroin addict image that under-fed, bony models portrayed. Though the size of many models is still questionable, more and more magazines are opting to replace the skin-and-bones look with curvier, more realistic women in their spreads. 

Even Tyra Banks, one of the worlds former super-models, openly expressed her excitement at seeing heavier women in mainstream media. Banks, who has battled with her weight publicly for sometime, has stepped out of the ‘typical’ supermodel mold, and is boasting a beautiful, more curvaceous figure that she is proud to flaunt. Banks is the house of the hit television show ‘America’s Next Top Model‘, a show for which she fought successfully to allow heavier women the right to compete on.

This increase in plus size models is an amazing achievement for women everywhere. By employing women who are realistically proportioned the media is sending a strong message to the women of the world; the message that it is alright to be big. The message that you do not have to starve yourself to be beautiful, and the message that you are wonderful just the way you are.

Crystal Renn happens to be one of the most well know plus size models in the world, at 5ft 9in and 165lbs she doesn’t appear plus sized in person, but industry standards make it so. The specs of plus sized models are tight. Plus sized is considered to be any model over a size 10 (US) and generally 5’8 and up…

A ten may not seem so “plus size” to you, and it isn’t in the reality of things. Size 10 is among the average of women today, and this is even more reason for ‘plus size’ models to become the mainstream. Why should we promote a size 3 when the average woman is wearing a size 10? How is this promoting your product? How is this even realistic to everyday life for women of the world?

I personally say ‘Amen’ to the plus sized models of the world. Though not plus size myself, I have many friends who have battled with weight their entire lives. These are beautiful, sexy, intelligent woman who bear the right to be beautiful, not just within themselves but in the eyes of the world as well. I don’t see curves as a flaw but rather a feature, what is more beautiful than a woman with hips and a booty? How can we take a woman of average size and build and tell her she is too big to represent the women of the world? I hope that more magazines will step up and see that the true beauty of a woman is not in the size of her dress, but rather her natural beauty that shines from within.

Hot Shot!

It’s a sad situation that on average most Americans know more about celebrity gossip than they do about politics, history, or current events combined.

The world today is celebrity obsessed… every where you turn there is an abundance of celebrity gossip to be found. Every supermarket has shelves at the cash register that are stocked full of celebrity gossip magazines. You can’t purchase potatoes without noticing bold bogus headlines about one celebrity or another. You are constantly bombarded with media images of perfection gone bad, stories off celebrities gone wild, and tales of which star is currently in rehab. It’s truly sickening!

I am aware that along with the choice of fame, comes the choice of failed privacy, but I think that it has been taken too far. Societies obsession with celebrity has costing people their lives, (Princess Dianna for example) destroyed marriages, and caused countless self-esteem issues in young women today who are trying to live up to unrealistic standards. You have to feel a bit sorry for these people, because although fame is a choice they made, I am sure that they never expected the actual extent of severity it would entail.

One thing I must say on a side note is that these celebrities have it all wrong…. the more you try to hide from the public eye the more they are going to seek you out… why? because the rarer the pictures of the celebrity, the more they are worth… it goes hand in hand with popularity as well the more famous you are the more people are going to want to know about you…. If you are choosing fame as a career, you need to be prepared for the scrutiny that comes along with it, and accept that; although you are going to long for privacy, you are probably not going to get it… sad as that fact is, it is just that…fact! (A sick fact, but a fact just the same!)

But none of these ‘facts’ explain why we put these people up on pedestals and thrive on the drama of their lives. Why we as people feel that they are any better than us, and why week after week celebrity gossip magazines filled with over exaggerated lies sell millions of copies straight off the supermarket shelves…

These people are no different than we are, they work hard to make their money, they have families and feelings just like you and I. They worry about what they are going to wear, or what they should have for dinner. They stress about their work, and their weight. They raise their children and they live their lives….All while under an extreme amount of pressure, yet we sit here and imagine that we are them, we fantasize that their lives are perfect, and we dream about how happy we would be if we could just trade places with them for a day. We relish in the glory when they succeed, and we are captivated when they suffer, often to the point of finding glory in another persons pain… We as people know more about what is going on with Brad and Angelina than we do about the current state of the war. We pay more attention to the dramatics of Lindsay Lohan then the dramatics of our sad excuse for a government. We immerse ourselves in these people’s lives as if they owe us something, like we have the right to know, see, and stalk every detail of where they go and what they do…

Having some interest in your favorite actor is acceptable, curiosity is natural, and fans are what creates such amazing movies as we see today, and allows these people to enjoy doing what they have always dreamed of, but try putting that same interest into the world around you, into the way your country is run, or the state of the earth as it quickly deteriorates. Try taking the time to focus on something that actually matters, something that makes a difference, because when the time comes that the war expands, or the effects of the damage we have caused our earth start to take over, it won’t matter one bit which celebrity is having an affair, how many times Britney has gone crazy, or who is showing a baby bump… have some intelligence, and at the very least some respect….

A Very Merry? Christmas

I have noticed that I am not the only one who is not in the ‘Christmas spirit‘. It seem that this year people are not feeling the joy of the season.  Yesterday for example; A nice older gentleman held the door open for me while I struggled to carry an armful of christmas purchases, (some of the last purchases I needed to make btw, woo-hoo!!) and as a friendly gesture I said “Thank you, and Merry Christmas.” The man, apparently unimpressed by my display of seasonal joy, replied “Yeah, Happy HOLIDAYS.” in a gruff, somewhat rude tone, and did not hold open the second door for me. (in fact I am pretty sure he made sure it slammed directly in my face!) WTF?????

OK, I know that it is considered “politically incorrect” to say Merry Christmas now a days. (which I think is rather stupid in the first place)  I am not an overly religious Jesus is the reason for the seasonkind of person. I say Merry Christmas, mostly because it is what I have always said. I grew up saying Merry Christmas, we had a Christmas tree, Christmas stocking, and ate Christmas dinner. You on the other hand may be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Atheist for all I know, but unless you are going to strategically place a sign on your body, complete with a giant flashing  arrow that may, or may not, ensure I see this said sign, I am going to say Merry Christmas out of habit… In fact, even if I do see the sign with the giant flashing arrow, I can not promise that I will do the “politically correct” thing and say Happy holidays, Seasons Greetings, or make reference to whatever it is that you celebrate.  Honestly, not only is it too much work, too confusing, and just plan annoying, I celebrate “Christmas” and I am not going to change that just because you are overly sensitive about your religion….. I mean, even the little Chinese man who runs the store down the street (who doesn’t celebrate Christmas and never has) says Merry Christmas to me in reply as I shop for groceries, surely you can suck it up and at least be pleasant.

You don’t have to say “Merry Christmas” back if it is against your religion, or bothers you that much. The response of Happy Holidays was not the issue with this man yesterday, it was the clear indication that he was offended by my “religious like” greeting. You can wish me a Happy Hanukkah for all I care, I will do the same to you in return, but don’t be gruff, rude, or start lecturing me about the secrets and cover-ups of the Catholic Church, the government and the brainwashed citizens of America….. because frankly, I don’t really care. I am simply being polite, get over it!!

So on that Note: Merry Chrismas (a.k.a Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, Happy Hanukkah, Feliz Navidad, Joyeux Noel, Kwanzaa, or Bah-hum-bug)