Today, during a relaxing afternoon outing it was brought to my attention that I may have an issue with people pointing out my faults. I won’t lie to you, I was already somewhat aware of this fact before this conversation took place.
I have never been the type to take criticism with a smile and a nod, unless it is regarding my writing. For some reason I can handle someone completely ripping my writing apart without a bother in my bones, but point out something I am doing wrong on a personal level and I have this unexplainable need to defend myself… even when I know that what is being said is true, even when the person is right, and even when I know that I am completely wrong. (yes I admit that I am sometimes wrong)
Why? I am unsure why I do it… I think that I have this overwhelming need to explain myself, it’s as if I ‘have’ to be understood. I often find myself explaining (or excusing) even the most idiotic of actions on my part, like I am just trying to make the other person see my reasoning or my train of thought.
There are times when I wish I could just shut-up and listen to people when they tell me what I am doing wrong. I wish that I could just take what they say and use it as a lesson… not that I don’t hear them I do, not that I don’t use this constructive criticism as a tool to better myself or improve from my mistakes, of course I do… but do you think I will tell ‘them’ that??? Never!
I am like a lioness with too much pride.. I will fight till death just to prove my point, just to show someone how I feel or what I am thinking. I will bicker and battle for ages just to express my opinion on something… I don’t mean to do it, I just have a natural need to debate…. I really think I was born to be a politician or a lawyer or something along those lines.. something that allows me to argue with people and share my point of view, a career that lets me convince people that I know what is best, not only for myself but for the world on a whole… Well I guess writing can have the same effect in a sense, and probably a lot less consequences too!
I don’t know why I felt the need to share this fact with you, the truth is this is a part of me that is probably never going to change… although I would like to learn to take peoples criticism with more grace, the part of me that desires a good debate will never fade!
Just another piece of myself I figured I would share…..
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