Jump in and Swim…..


Living in the city can cause you an identity crisis, you quickly realize that you are a very small fish in a very big pond. Everywhere I have gone lately I am astonished by the sheer number of people. There is never a “good” time to go to Walmart, the grocery store, or the bank. Unlike the smaller city I left, where going shopping during the daytime hours (when most people are at work or school) here in the city there are always people out and about. Not only are there always people in the stores, the streets are also packed at all hours of the day. There is constantly traffic, or people walking, and the public transit is utilized 24 hours a day. We live close to the biggest airport, so there are constantly people in the air as well. I have noticed that during the week there is a plane leaving, or arriving, approximately every 5 minutes, and weekends amaze me because one after another, you watch these huge jumbo jets line up to land and you watch a trail of jets as they leave carrying hundreds of passengers all over the world….

Moving here has given me a new perspective of the world, and life in general. You have to make the best out of life for yourself because everyone else has their own lives, worries, and plans. You might be something to someone, or nothing to anyone. It is not about how much you do, but how you do it, and life is about making yourself happy, in both big and small ways.

I have been stuck in a bout of negativity over the last while, but I now realise that it does not matter whether or not you make a mark on the world as long as you share your love, your life, and your passion you will make a mark on someone, and touching one soul is just as great as touching many!!!

My Beautiful Brat


My daughter has just discovered the emotion of anger.

 By ‘discovered‘ I mean, she realised that she has a serious temper that can be used to get whatever she wants, with nothing more than a simple scream…well at least with her Daddy she can anyways.

Lately it seems that L is always mad at something. If you take something away from her…. she is mad, change her diaper, clothes, etc… she is mad, when you put her to bed, put her down, or put her in her room to play….. she is mad. Anger is oozing from this beautiful little brat!

She shows her anger by grunting, tensing up her whole body, or releasing these earth shattering screams…. It is quite disturbing actually. Now, I must admit that we expected some sort of temper, both her father and I are known to be a little hot-headed at times. (OK maybe more than a little) I am the ‘fly-off-the-handle’ type, and Daddy is often seen with a permanent frown on his face, creasing his forehead. Not to say we are constantly miserable people or anything like that, we just have “tempers” and are not afraid to share our emotions when something upsets us. It makes for some very tense moments, but at least it beats bottling things up inside until we one day just explode about every little thing!

But L’s temper is amusing right now in a sense (I am sure that a few months, or even years down the road, it won’t be so damn cute, but for now it is a constant laughing matter in our house for the most part.)

Although I have been laughing about her little ‘outbursts’ the fear of temper tantrums in public places scares me to death and so I thought I would research now the best ways to handle such out burst, if they do occur, in a public place in the future.

So here is a list of Do’s and Dont’s when dealing with public temper tantrums;

Do

  • Do Remain calm at all times – Children are great at sensing your emotions. Often times tantrums are a way for children to get what they want, and the more frustrated you are the further they will push knowing you are more likely to give in if you are embarrassed or frustrated.
  • Do try to understand – We all feel frustration at not getting our own way, but as adults we realise the need to control these emotions. Children do not have the sense yet of what is, and is not, appropriate behaviour in public, or how to show their frustration in an acceptable manner.
  • Do reflect/accept their feelings – Apparently when you justify your childs feelings it will help to calm them down. By saying “I understand you are feeling mad right now” you are acknowledging what your child is feeling and telling them it is alright to feel that way, but showing that they can feel an emotion without acting out.
  • Do Ignore – If the tantrum is for attention (which is the case often times) simply ignore the child’s outburst. Do not abandon the child, but simply go about your business without acknowledging the behaviour.
  • Do give a child options – Giving your child choices can help you prevent tantrums later. By giving a child a small amount of control on a regular basis you help them to feel like an important part of the family and they are less likely to act out later while you have to do something that you “chose” to do.
  • Do Explain – If you have a child who is prone to, or you fear will, act out in public take the time to explain to the child what your schedule will be for the day before hand. Telling your child “We have to go to the bank, the grocery store, and the dry-cleaners, then we can come home and play” may help them to understand that after the ‘work’ is done you get a reward. (but never promise treats for good behaviour, bribing a child is just as bad as giving in to their demands. Children should know that good behaviour is appreciated because it is expected, not because it is a once in a while pleasure.)

Don’t

  • Do NOT Smack your child up-side the head – As much as you may want to physically discipline your child, it is best to refrain from doing so (especially in public) Not only will it earn you even more disapproving looks from bystanders, it will only escalate the situation and cause your child to act out even more.
  • Do NOT Give in – This is a big one. Never ever give in to your childs demands when they are acting out. As frustrating as it maybe to have everyone in Walmart stare at you like you are a horrible parent, it is worth it in the long run. Giving in to what your child is demanding will only lead to further tantrums down the road. Stand your ground and explain that their behaviour will not be tolerated.
  • Do NOT set a limit  – If you are dealing with an older child and time-out is one of the options you choose to punish bad behaviour, it is best not to set a time limit on the punishment. Rather place the child in time-out until they have calmed down and are ready to act appropriately. Sometimes this may occur quickly, other times it may take longer.
  • Do NOT stop – Should your child decide to throw a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store, DO NOT stop your shopping and go home. You should not suffer because of bad behaviour. Simply ignore and continue on with your errand, then leave the store. If your child has thrown themselves on the floor, you can attempt to walk away watching that they follow, but remember to never actually leave your child unattended, and don’t fuss over them or act embarrassed. Once you leave the store you can explain that they are being punished, what the punishment is and why.
  • Do NOT threaten – One of the worst things parents do is yell out idle threats “Stop it or your going to bed” “I said stop it or your going to bed” “That’s enough I mean it, I will put you to bed….” and so on with no follow through. If you threaten to do something DO IT! You might feel mean, you might not want to, but if you say it, DO IT, or your child will assume you are not serious and they will act out more often and on a more serious level. Discipline requires consistency at all times to be effective so you muct always follow through with a threat!

I personally agree with some of these, and others I just don’t have the compassion to even try. I have never had to deal with a major tantrum in public (as of yet) and any slight instance of ill behaviour was quickly halted by “the Mama Look, and the Mad voice….”

But when it comes to L, who is growing quickly and showing some serious signs of becoming a bratty little girl, I think that I will keep these tips close at hand…just in case!

 

Holy Crap! You Survived! Well, So Far Anyway…..


If you are reading this post I must congratulate you on surviving Christmas!!!

Way to go!!! Woo Hoo!! You did it!!!

Wether you have a ‘perfect’ family tradition that seems to flow smoothly and freely, with little effort at all (which would mean your name is either Mary Poppins, or Martha Stewart, and you can go straight to hell!) or you were subjected to a ‘less than desirable’ family affair, you know how difficult the holidays can be! So, give yourself a pat on the back, you managed to make it through in one piece! (although for some the hangover you are suffering may be part of a bittersweet accomplishment)

In-laws, and cousins, sisters and step-parents, the gatherings of the holiday season can be overwhelming at times. (to say the least) With deep-fried turkeys, baked, boiled, and burnt. Potatoes, presents, pizza, and pie… you survived, and that is another reason to celebrate!!

Granted, you probably consumed a minimum of 3,000 calories, according to Diet Bites. That is with less than the sites listed amount of food, some of which consists of; 1 cup of stuffing, 1 cup of gravy, 6 ounces of turkey, 1 cup of mashed potatoes, 1/2 cup of Cranberry sauce, 2 buttered rolls, and 2 glasses of wine. (click the link above to see the entire list of foods and calories)

If the fact that you consumed more calories in one meal than some people do in an entire day is not stress enough, there are often presents that need to be returned. Oh don’t act so innocent… you know you hate that ugly sweater Aunt Betty got you, or that grill from Grandma Genie, you know, the exact-same grill she gave you last Christmas, you also know where they came from, and what you would rather have received. Returning these unwanted, less than thoughtful, gifts means; long lines, tired mothers with candy-high children who are eager to get their spoiled butt home to the plethora of new toys, games, and gadgets Santa left for them under the tree, grumpy, tired, and obnoxious customers arguing over return policies, and even grumpier customer services clerks arguing right back. It means congested roads, stupid drivers, and over packed malls with ‘over priced’ sales. It means not only returning the improper item, but often going out in search of something to replace it with. This also means thinking up a lie for when the ‘gifter’ arrives for a visit and asks, (while suspiciously looking around your home) “Did you like the (snot green,ugly, or useless) crystal bowl we got you for Christmas?” While you sit, sweating on the couch trying to look innocent as you figure out how to hide the new T.V. mounted on your wall in plain sight!

There is always the option of re-gifting those undesirable items that (obviously thoughtless) family members chose to present you with. If you are a re-gifter it is important that you take note, and remember ‘who gave you what gift.’ I once witnessed a very awkward moment where a re-gifter friend of mine, re-gifted a gift to the original gifter!!! Ummm… Awkward!!! With re-gifting you run the risk of looking like the ‘thoughtless gifter’ yourself as well, so it may be best to only re-gift ‘unwanted’ or ‘tasteless’ items to those which you don’t value their opinion. Also be sure you check for, and remove, any old tags from the item you are re-gifting. Another awkward situation can arise if the gift receiver opens their gift to find a tag reading ‘To: Shelly From: Jane’ and their name is Amanda! So be very careful when choosing to re-gift, it can be more tasteless and tacky than the original gift itself.

If all these thoughts don’t cause you to down a very large bottle of wine, very quickly, as you sit crying in the bathroom, door locked, and sappy music blaring, there is also the added stress of the boxing day sales, everywhere!! I could never figure out why anyone thinks shopping on boxing day is a good idea. Sure, you can sometimes find great items at alow price, but the real bargains are often found at the end of the ‘boxing week.’ For me, fighting through the crowds is not worth the couple of bucks I can save on most items. For bigger items you may decide it is worth the savings, and opt to face the fury, if choosing to shop on boxing day it is important that you are prepared for anything, because all that is crazy, out-of-control, and just plain ludicrous, can, and will, be seen while out shopping on boxing day. If you thought Christmas shopping at Walmart was bad, be prepared for the same cart ramming, fist fighting, profanity shouting chaos, times 100!! You must bring your patience when shopping on or around boxing day, it is usually best to hire a babysitter and leave the kids at home if at all possible. Strollers and large crowds are not a good combination, and it will only lead to elevated stress levels in all aspects, on all involved. You must also remember to consider how much of a deal you are actually getting before you purchase an item, be sure you know the regular price of the item, and how much you will save if you are buying it during a boxing week sale. Through years of working, and shopping retail I learned that there are many ways a store can create the illusion of savings that are not actually there. One of the most common ways of doing this is to advertise a large percentage sale (Such as 50% off) and then add the words “the original price.” When you are taking a percentage off a ‘sale’ item (or the lowest ticketed price) you are clearly saving money, but when you remove a percentage off the ‘original price’ often times it turns out that the amount you are saving is very minor, especially after you factor in taxes, and the time you spent awaiting the purchase itself. The other important factors in boxing day shopping are 1) to plan your shopping route ahead of time. There is nothing worse than driving back and forth in boxing day traffic, in the exact fashion that driving in Christmas traffic is terrible, as is driving here-and-there in boxing day traffic (perhaps worse when you factor in all the young drivers who just got cash for Christmas and are now out driving around looking to spend it) and 2) the longer you wait to shop the lower the price will be! Retail stores ‘need’ to move inventory after Christmas to make room for the new seasons items, they will do this by first listing a sale price that seems to be a good deal to quickly sell off as many items as possible on the busiest shopping day which is boxing day itself. They will then proceed to lower this sale price repeatedly until the items are sold out, and there is room for the new stock to hit the sales floor. (This is the sole reason I choose to shop at the end of boxing week. I save more money, and I don’t have the stress of miserable people, long lines, and insane crowds in tight spaces!)

The snowball of stress comes to a peak with the New Year fast approaching. If Christmas with the family, gift returns with disgruntled customer service reps, and boxing day shopping chaos wasn’t enough to drive you mad, you have one last chance of winning an all expenses paid vacation at the local loony bin with New Years Eve’s extravaganza! The beauty of this event is that you don’t have to go anywhere to feel stress unless you choose to. Opting to stay home often effects no one but you! Your friends and family will ‘understand’ that you decided to stay in and enjoy a quiet night, they will still be able to venture out enjoy the party without you… In fact, by staying in you probably provided them with hours of entertainment, and deep discussion on how much of a loner, loser, snob, baby, geek, suck, and/or bitch, you are for not showing up to start the New Year with a bang! If you do decide to go out for the night you will pay too much money for any venue you plan to attend, any daycare you may require, any dress you decide to purchase, and any beverage you choose to drink. If you opt to attend a house party, rather than a orgainized event, it is almost guaranteed that either you, your date, or one of your friends, will get way too drunk, kiss a stranger at midnight, or ring in the new year on the bathroom floor. The stress then increases with the size of your hangover New Years Day, the realisation that you are out of Aspirin and everything is closed, and the number of children who require your care and attention first thing in the morning.  

The good news is, you survived Christmas with all the chaos and the drama it entails! That is a victory you should be proud of, and once you make it through the anarchy that is the beginning of the New Year you will be set and ready for a fresh start…. Then all you have to do is choose, and stick to, those New Years resolutions!

How hard could that be, right?

After all you are a survivor!!!

 

Christmas…One Way, or Another……


Well the count down to Christmas is running full speed ahead, despite my desperate pleas to put it off just a little longer, my plot to hijack Santa’s sleigh, my insistent tears, and my constant attempts at bargaining with the Gods to end the world NOW before I have to go back to Walmart!

I would love to be able to say I am ready… but that would not only be a lie, it would be a HUGE lie. I am not even close to ready, in fact, I am not even ready to prepare to be ready!!! I would love to say that I got everything that everyone asked for, and all at a fair and reasonable price, but that would be a lie as well, I would love to say that I have the decorations up, the tree lit, and Christmas cookies baking in the oven, but again it would be a big, fat, complete, outright lie!!!

What do I have you ask???????

Nada, nothing, zip, zero, nil, nix, zilch…….

OK that is not completely true…. it’s another lie…I am a big fat liar today!!! I do have a few things. On my latest shopping excursion I did manage to purchase 4 gifts, two for L, and two for C…. you might say ‘that’s great!’ but it’s not great… they are not great gifts, actually they are kinda stupid… well 2 of the 4 are anyway….. not so much stupid, as just blah. I don’t know if it is just that I am in a Ba-hum-bug mood this year, or that the anxiety of shopping causes me to just grab the first thing I see that has some kind of use at a decent price, but when I got home I felt drained, and looking at the 4 sad little presents I had managed to purchase, I realised just how useless they really were….

So whats a girl to do???

Shop some more obviously… What choice do I have.  Usually the thought of shopping would excite me to no end. Any other day planning a shopping trip would send a thrill rushing through my body. I LOVE shopping at any other time of year, but this year, at this time, I just HATE it!!! I psyche myself up and head out with high hopes, but the minute I see the disorganization, chaos, and other bustling shoppers…I panic, grab at something, and run. Pathetic I know. I really have to get over this recent fear of shopping…QUICK!!!

So whats my plan???

Well truthfully I don’t have a plan I am just going to keep heading out nd hoping for the best, eventually I will grab something great I figure, and by process of elimination Christmas will come together dammit!!!!

Keep your fingers crossed, and wish me luck…. Lord knows I need it!!!!

Shop Till I Drop…You!


I think I may be devloping some form of social anxiety. 14 Days till Santa comes, and I have STILL not purchased one gift…. I have though, travelled to the mall, Walmart, and various other stores, countless numbers of times, with the intention of purchasing Christmas gifts, only to become overwhelmed, irritated, confused, distressed, pissed off with the stupidity of holiday shoppers. Which in turn causes me to immediately run back to the comfort, and safety, of my home, vowing never to enter such depths of hell again, ever! Any attempts at gifts are left strewn in the aisles, blocking the paths of angry shoppers, who are probably muttering obscenities as I dash from the store, purse clutched in hand, and steam shooting from my ears.

In fact, this complete misery towards holiday shopping means, that with 14 days till Christmas… not only do I still not have one present, I don’t even have a TREElet alone decorations, stockings, or any of the items that any normal person has purchased, or pulled out of storage, by this time in December…..

My latest trip to Walmart ended abruptly when a nice lady (and by nice I mean super psycho bitch) with her 5 screaming children, attempted to run me down with her cart as I reached, (simpy out of curiosity) a doll that she apparently desired!  “Here you go sunshine, you have crack-head Barbie, your daughter will have more fun with it in the trailer park where came from I’m sure! In fact the next time your on Jerry Springer, maybe she can take the Barbie along to keep her entertained on the flight!”

I know, I’m evil…. and honesty,I am really, really sorry! No, I did not say this out loud to the woman, who btw, proceeded to swear at me, and inform me she had the stupid doll first, yeah OK with you Go-go gadget arms three aisles over…No, I’m serious!  Here you go psycho, there was no fight for it in the first place, I was just looking at it.  This family was crying out for Super Nanny, her children were running circles around her, terrorizing other shoppers, clerks, and children. Ripping toys off the shelves, screaming, swearing, and raising my blood pressure. All while their brainless twit of a mother decided to lecture me on the basics of Walmart etiquette….. Thanks Tips!!!

What did I do??? The only rational thing I could that would keep me from landing myself in Prison for the holidays. I looked this haggard woman right in the eyes, (and trust me I am sure, mostly from the look in those exhausted, overworked, and over stressed eyes, she was not intending to be rude, I know that she was just as tired, and worn out as I, probably even more so with ranting, raving, out-of-control children like hers) and said “Merry Christmas” as I bound out of the toy aisle, and through the crowd at the automatic doors.

Now in the safety of my home I am disappointed in myself…. How the hell am I going to explain to my children why there are no presents under the invisible tree????

I really have to get a grip and pull myself together…. Tomorrow I will set out to at least buy a tree!!

As for Christmas presents, I have decided that next week, bright and early on Monday morning when all the little devil children are in school, I will do all of my Christmas shopping at Zellers…. Usually I am strictly a Walmart shopper, as the prices are often better suited to my budget, but a few extra bucks to save my sanity might be worth it this year. A I recently remembered, from a time when I used to work there, that for some reason it seems everyone has forgotten Zellers exists…which suits me fine!

So please…Shhhh…don’t remind anyone of my soon to be peaceful Oasis!!

Super Stressful Shopping Season Solution


Day 277: Shopping Run

Image by crimsong19 via Flickr

I have tried to start Christmas shopping, I truly have tried. I have repeatedly travelled to the mall, Walmart, and various other stores with the intention of buying some much-needed gifts. I have not been procrastinating my shopping, I really am trying to get it done. It’s just that every time I step into one of these department stores I am overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle of holiday shoppers. I am overcome with the crowds, the commotion, and the drama of the busy aisles. I am blown away but the outright ignorance, coarseness, and utter insanity that shopping this time of year brings. I am not procrastinating, I just can not see to get it done….or even started for that matter.

It hurts me when I hear people say they are “almost done” their shopping, that they have “just a few more things to buy”….how are they doing it??? Is there some secret society that I don’t know about where the department stores are void of crowds and crazy people?? Where they always have exactly what you are looking for, at exactly the price you are willing to pay? How do I get in? I am willing to pay for a membership…. Is there a secret password or handshake I need to know? I promise I won’t tell anyone! (OK that’s a lie, secrets have never been my strong suit, but I wont tell everyone!)

I do really need to get started, with 25 days till the fat guy in the red suit breaks into my house while I am sleeping, I have a plan…..

First of all I must say…Thank God for Walmart! Thanks to the lovely marketing skills of the people at Walmart I can now do my shopping at 3 a.m. Thus avoiding the vast majority of holiday shoppers, crazy old ladies with out of control carts, and screaming 3 year olds in the toy aisle. I can enter a quiet world of a few tired shoppers, and carry on with my list as planned. Whoever it was at Walmart that said “hey we should stay open 24 hours a day before Christmas” seriously deserves a raise…in fact they deserve to be promoted to Vice President because they are genius… Walmart should ensure this person some comfort and job security because with this kind of intelligence they may very well go and open a store that could take over the world and knock Walmart out of the running…. seriously this person must be a parent. I could kiss them for such brilliant thinking. It almost makes me want to go to Walmart at 3 a.m. and buy them a gift!!!

The only other option I could come up with in my in-depth shopping solutions brainstorming session was online shopping. Shopping online can be a great way to save money and avoid the stress of holiday crowds, but personally it is just not for me. I buy the occasional item online, but I have the awful kind of luck that turns the perfect gift into an unusable item. Not only an unusable item, but an unusable item that is damaged, and late. It’s just the way it works for me.. with this luck I would probably purchase a great watch for my father and end up with a pink negligee that is 4 sizes too small, for either  me or my father, and two weeks too late for christmas! If you have better luck than I do, shopping online may be your answer! I think I’ll opt out of this one though, I really don’t think my father would appreciate lingerie for Christmas, no matter how cute it turned out to be.

Now keep in mind that 3 a.m. Walmart shopping also has its down side. Yes, i do get the luxury of avoid the crowds of crazy holiday shoppers, the long lines, and the screaming children. But 3 a.m. shopping holds its own kind of crazy. Instead of nasty old ladies with out of control carts I will instead get the pleasure of drunk old men with lonely lives, who just want to ‘talk’. I will find the less than apealing homeless, bored, or sleep deprived people who will follow behind me and scrutinize every item I put in my cart, until I whip around and ask in a not so tactful manner “WTF are you looking at?” There is also the lack of staff, so when I do locate the perfect gift for that special someone, and it happens to be on the very top shelf, at the very back of that shelf, there will be no nice sales boy anywhere in sight to get it down for me. Which means, chances are I will be scaling Walmart shelves at terrifying heights, under the influence of serious sleep deprivation, and probably numerous coffees, in order to reach this item myself. At which time I am sure that upon safely reaching the ground I will find that the item is in some way dysfunctional or devoid of required parts.

I am also sure that in my disillusioned 3 a.m. state I will completely convince myself that I must buy some item that I simply do not require. Although I wont have the overwhelming urge to just grab whatever I see and go with it, lack of sleep can play strange tricks on the mind. I am almost positive that I will end up with a ridiculous item that has no place in my cart simply because I have assured my over tired brain that it has some use in my life. Be it an automatic onion chopper, a massaging blanket, or a self-cleaning carrot peeler, I just know it is going to happen…I will try to prepare, but honestly I can not be held responsible for my purchases at such un-godly hours….thankfully Walmart has a very understanding return department….which is also open at 3 a.m.

And so this is the solution to my problem of holiday shopping, it may not be a fool-proof plan, but it’s a plan dammit and it is not procrastination…. I will get rested so that I can go out shopping tonight…. or maybe tomorrow….some night this week I will get it all done and then I can rest and relax like the others who are “done Christmas shopping” and ready to enjoy the season!

 

Crazy Little Drunk People!


Vicodin tablet

Image via Wikipedia

I’m sorry but someone has to say it, and I am usually known as the one who will. I am like the mom version of Eminem, I will easily say what everyone else is thinking…. So why should I change now?

No mother actually wants to spend 24/7 with her children. Especially a single-mother or full-time mother. No mother wants to constantly act like a 5 year-old, have tea parties, play Star Wars or climb trees all the time… Personally I think the any mothers that do must be closet-case alcoholics or undercover Vicodin addicts. No one is that happy constantly. No one!!

Sure I will agree that it can be fun to spend a couple of hours (that’s on a very good day) in make-believe world with your children. In fact, I can play pirates with the best of them for a few minutes at a time. I can have a Barbie bash, or pretend to be a princess, or sing silly songs for short, sporadic periods, but I cannot be around my children 24 hours a day.

I once read a post where someone said, “children are like drunk midget’s” (pardon the politically incorrect language…I didn’t say it in the first place!) and you know what?  They are right! You know though, I have never much cared for drunk people either! I have never actually seen a drunk midget though so I can’t speculate on how I would react to that, but although a drunk midget would probably be amusing, I am sure that it could get irritating afterwhile. When you are constantly tripping over them, having to get things down off high shelves, and picking them up on a regular basis so they can see out the window as well. You probably would, at some point, have the thought cross your mind that you could, and should, just kick them…hard…. you would think to yourself, ‘I could simply extend my leg and hurt this crazy, little, drunk person right now… with little, or no effort.’  That’s how it would be for me if I had to be around my children, entertaining them every minute of the day.

As I have said before I LOVE my children with all my heart and soul, but I love them because I take them in moderation. I have taught, and am teaching, them to entertain themselves more every single day. Don’t get me wrong, I could never live without them, no way, no how. I have never even been away from them for an extended period of time, but I require time without them in my face, time without the whining, the crying, or the incessant chatter that comes along with children. I require some form of peace in my life, no matter how twisted that form may be.

I think of “Kitty” from ‘That 70’s show‘, she is an adorable mother, a push-over, but adorable….do you know what makes her adorable? She is funny, witty, and cute. She is always spending time worrying about her children, cooking, cleaning, and dishing out advice. Do you know why she can do all these things and still have a smile on her face? Because the woman constantly has a glass of wine in her hand! I would be a far more active mother if I could drink all day as well….not to say that she is a “good” mother, but she participates right?

I really started thinking about all this while talking to a friend on the phone, she is having some slight relationship issues and was upset with herself, it seems due to stress she feels she has not been spending enough time with her daughter. She told me about how she feels awful because there are days when she will place her young child on the computer, in the hopes of getting a little bit of quiet time, and it turns into a whole day of her being an inactive parent. She was dismayed at her lack of interest in parenting at the moment, probably even more devastating due to the fact that she is generally a very involved mother, usually chipper and content to play with her child. I sat and listened to her, and I thought about how I have been as a parent lately myself… you know what I discovered? It’s no big deal! We cannot force ourselves to be that ‘perfect’ mother that bitch June Cleaver portrayed so very many years ago. (lol, sorry just a shot at age, my birthday is coming and I am trying to feel young.) Nor should we try, your children will see the stress in your actions and it will affect them as well. It is best just to accept that there are times in every parents lives when they just don’t want to be parents, that’s completely acceptable.  You would not take a job that required you to work 24/7, so why do we feel we have to do it at home?

If every one of us mother’s had unlimited bank accounts, cleaning services, endless prescriptions to pleasure inducing pain killers, and bottomless bottles of wine…. I am sure that we could all live in make-believe land quite happily. But unfortunately here in reality world it is just socially unacceptable practice to drug yourself in order to achieve that perfect parenting quality…so until society loosens up it is best just to acknowledge that we are not programmed to be perpetually pleasant parents, and simply relax knowing kids are forgiving and as long as you are providing love, and basic necessities at these less than participating moments, they will survive. So kick-back relax and have a drink, after all you work hard, you deserve it! (Besides Barbie Princess is far more interesting after a few glasses of cheap wine!)

BRATS – A Swift Kick In The…..


This photo of a rural child was photographed b...

Image via Wikipedia

Call me crazy but I believe that children should be at least some what well-behaved, especially in public. And I have a big issue watching people dragging their children kicking and screaming through Wal-Mart because this clearly un-disciplined child thinks that with the effort, and embarrassment, of a temper tantrum he or she will get exactly what they want. The problem is, they do!! Thus this behaviour is commended, causing the occurrence to repeat itself time and again. 

You see I believe that children are a lot like dogs; you prise good behaviour and punish the bad behaviour accordingly. I am not saying you should beat your child, which is frowned upon, but you should choose an acceptable punishment and stick to it.    

I am aware that children act out from time to time; I know every child has moments when they are just miserable, that is not my issue. It is when you see a little brat CLEARLY acting out of control while the parent stands by and does nothing. Often in this case you will see the caregiver browsing the clothing racks or book shelves with a complete disregard for the actions of this spawn of Satan as he or she tears the store apart and unnerves the other shoppers. When this parent finally does acknowledge the child’s behaviour it is usually because the child is harassing them for some kind of treat or toy. You stand with your jaw to the ground when the parent hands over whatever the child is requesting with a feeble message of “ok now be quiet or you get nothing else.” At this point I usually want to not only smack the parent and ask them “WTF they are on!!” but strangle the little terrorist child until he or she learns what manners and respect are all about, but as I said beating children is often frowned upon especially beating other people’s children….I would not suggest it, you may get a very unexpected reaction. Actually come to think of it, it may help to pull the parent away from what they are absorbed in long enough to see that their child is one f***ed up little cookie. But no don’t try it, really. 

If this were my child, who knows better than to even attempt something so inappropriate, I would have no issues with acting on his behaviour and disciplining him in public what-so-ever. I guess in these “conservative” times though people are two afraid to discipline kids. Can you spank? Or can’t you? Where? When? How hard? There is too much red tape involved in parenting and so we are breeding a new level of ignorance and condescension through our children. I fear the world when they grow, never mind raise children of their own with even looser disciplinary methods. I am not saying I am “for” spanking, but honestly sometimes you just have to haul off and smack the kid on the ass to get the point across, or at the very least “STOP REWARDING THIS AWFUL BEHAVIOUR FOR GOD SAKES!”

What Not To Wear….Please!!!


Knee high boots & shiny tights

Image by Chris-Millett via Flickr

I have been spending time watching the world and the people in it and I have developed a strong opinion in regards to the way people dress recently. I am no “fashionista” myself but I like to think I have some sense of style. I believe I dress appropriately for my figure and age, but apparently this is not the case for everyone. I have noticed a great number of older, and bigger boned women who seem oblivious to the fact that the clothing they are wearing is completely unflattering for their bodies. I wonder if perhaps they live in strange little houses with no mirrors. Perhaps they get dressed in the dark? Perhaps they are mentally trapped in their 20 year-old selves and have no idea that they have aged and grown? Whatever the case I feel almost sorry for these people, and if I could stifle the laughter long enough I would probably pull a “What Not to Wear” and tell them so. 

Let me state right now that this is not meant to offend anyone, no matter your size or age. I have family members and friends all different shapes, sizes and ages but someone has to say this. I will announce that I am glad to see a lady with self-confidence. I believe that every woman should wear what makes her feel sexy, I am not saying that you should walk around in a paper bag just because you have put on a few extra pounds, but in all honestly do you really think spandex is a good choice? 

This goes to the clothing companies as well, why would a clothing company even make spandex in a XXXL? Why would you want to sell something that is going to make someone look so ridiculous? Furthermore plus size clothes with floral patterns! I don’t like floral patterns on the best of days, even more so when you see a woman wearing a whole arboretum. As I said no offence to anyone I mean no disrespect, you must know you look foolish in these clothes, there is no way you are that oblivious. 

This thought also applies to older women who walk around in outfits that were clearly designed with the twenty-something woman in mind. I am glad you are fit, in shape, and healthy for you age. I am happy that you fit in to a size 5 or whatever, but I am sure there are more appropriate articles of clothing designed for a woman of your age that could be just as fashionable. Mini skirts, low cut tops, and knee high boots should be left more to the young, then the young at heart. 

Maybe I am just a bitch, maybe I am rude, but the truth is we have all thought these things; I am simply saying them out loud for the world to hear. I am not putting anyone down I just think that perhaps the next purchase that some people make at Walmart should be a full length mirror, the $9.97 special will do just fine.