The Sad and Sorry Life of the Internet Bandit

Seriously, some people need lives… Not that I am one to talk! I mean at this point in life my daily routine consists of spoiled children, dirty clothes and less than stellar cooking. My main source of excitement is my life online (my blogging) and my weekly trips to the grocery store. I am probably not an expert on the subject of how to live a full and meaningful life, but one thing I DO know is that I am not as pathetic as this guy… (Sorry about the blurry picture I will explain!)

The Internet Bandit

This photo (blurry as it is) was taken through my living-room window at approximately 7:30 a.m. (I was trying to be inconspicuous, hence the blurry image created because using a flash would have been a little too obvious!) But this picture could have been taken at any time throughout the day and it would have held the same image. The man in the photo above is the local ‘Internet Bandit‘ Day in and day out he can be found in front of, or near the corner of, my house stealing someone’s unsecured internet connection!

Now I am not shunning him because he is using someone else’s connection (we’ve all done it!) but that he is doing it so openly and without any shame in a public area. Not only is he doing this so openly, he is doing it all day long! The funniest part of this whole situation is that you KNOW this guy is probably sitting on Facebook (or some dating site) just lying through his teeth!

I can picture his Facebook status as I watch him through my window….

Internet Bandit says “Chillin’ at home on the couch watching the game and having a few beers.”


Internet Bandit says “Had a long day at work today.”

I kind of wish I could find him on Facebook just to comment on his status and scare the crap outta the liar…
“Oh yeah! Maybe we will swing by and have a beer with you!!”
“Funny, you were at work today? I could have SWORE I saw a guy that look JUST like you standing on the corner looking like a LOSER!” 

Honestly, my major issue with what he is doing is the fact that he is just sitting on a residential street doing it. He is not going to Tim Hortons or McDonalds where they offer FREE WIFI, he is not even sitting in his own house jumping on his elderly neighbors unsecured wireless network. No, this guy does not even LIVE here, he ‘commutes‘ to this corner from down the block to sit outside and steal internet!!

Can you honestly not afford the $19.99??
I bet you could if you went and found a job instead of sitting outside someone’s house stealing their internet all day while you lie to your friends on Facebook!!
In fact, if you had a job to afford the internet you probably wouldn’t have the time to be on it ALL DAY LONG! 

Just Saying!


Trash Talking

I went out for a walk the other day, the sun was shining, it was fairly nice outside (well nice for winter anyway) and after days of being cooped up in the house I thought some fresh air would do me, and the kids, some good.

We didn’t venture far, just down to the store for some snacks, and over to Tim Hortons for some hot chocolate. We walked along and drank our chocolatey treats and when our cups were empty I told my son to toss them into a blue box that was sitting alongside the road. Cups in hand he happily trotted over to the recycling bin, and placed the cups inside, but as he turned to continue home a man appeared in the doorway of the house beyond the bins, seemingly the owner of the blue boxes sitting at the curb. The man looked dishevelled, dressed in a tattered robe, and some truly hideous slippers, he yelled out for my son… honestly the situation was like something out of a bad children’s movie;

“Hey little boy, get back here for a minute.” the old man called out to my son.

Stopping my stroller I watched my son slowly turn towards this strange and somewhat creepy old man with hesitation.

“May I ask what you think you were just doing?” The man asked my son. I was curious as to what he thought my son was doing, I mean my son is 7 years-old, and was barely 2 feet from my side, he couldn’t have been causing trouble or damage of any kind.

Looking at me in confusion my son responded, ” I just put our empty coffee cups in the bin because my mom told me to.”

At this response the man then turned to me with full-fledged anger and asked, “and what right do you have to dump you trash in my bin?”

Seriously?? Is this man for real? I could not even belive that he had just said something so stupid… honestly… I think I must have appeared as stunned as I felt because the man continued, “Well…. What gives you that right? You think you can just come and put your trash in someone elses can and expect them to deal with it?”

Suppressing a laugh, I responded with honesty, “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to litter, or carry them along with us, and the bin was right there.”

I guess I thought that would be the end of it, surely this man would understand that I was not trying to fill his bin with trash, or cause any issues. It was two cups in a recycling bin, no big deal. Well apparently to this man it was a big deal, because he didn’t just let it go at that, no seriously, he continued….

“Can you please remove your trash from my bin Ma’am?” He said in a gruff voice pointing to the bins on the side of the street.

“Pardon?” I was in total shock.

Was this man serious? Did he really care that much about two paper cups in his recycling bin? No, this could no be real, no one was this crazy. I could understand if I had dropped an entire bag of garbage into his trash can, but it was two freaking cups in a recycling bin!  Honestly, no matter how much recycling you put out on the street the city will pick it up. WTF is his problem????

“You heard me, remove your trash from my blue bin.” The man replied, now stepping out the doorway and down to the steps of his front entrance.

“You really want me to take my two cups out of your blue box that is simply sitting by the road?” I asked starting to get irritated by this mans clear irrationality.


I laughed out loud, I truly couldn’t help it at this point. “No!” was all I could manage.

“Listen young lady,” hmm… first I was ma’am and now I was young lady, and this senile old man was actually getting angry over two paper cups, “Get your garbage out of my bin, go put it in someone elses bin, I don’t care, I just don’t want it in my bin!”

I could feel my blood starting to boil, I don’t like stupid people on a good day, and this man was clearly the leader of the pack when it comes to idiots. “You want me to take my two cups out of your bin?” I asked, obviously annoyed at this point, and unable to fully believe that this crazy person was actually upset about something so ridiculous.

“What are you slow?” he asked with obvious nuisance, “Yes, I… want…you… to… take… your… trash… out… of… my… bin…. Do you understand me? Or do I have to explain it in a more basic way so you can grasp what I just said?”


Was this really happening? Maybe I fell asleep, and I am having some seriously twisted dream, because I know this 70 year-old sleaze-ball in his tattered goodwill house coat, filthy grey socks, and disgusting excuse for slippers that are obviously slick with scum, did NOT just speak to me like an I am a simpleton….. there is no way this is real!!!

But it was real, and he was serious….

So I did the only proper thing, I removed my trash from his bin, kindly deposited it on his lawn, and carried on home.

I’m sorry old man, I guess I didn’t fully understand your instructions you should have been more clear, after all I’m a bit slow!!!

Baby Faces

mad baby bear

Image by jen_rab via Flickr

I am thinking that it is time I work on perfecting my babies bedtime routine. Lately, and I revert back to the last post and whole-heartedly blame the time change, I find that I am in search of ways to amuse my baby between the hours of 6:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m. at night. At which time I can acceptably put her to bed without the fear of her waking up wired like a speed strung psychopath an hour or two later.

My daily routine goes something like this;

6:00 – 7:00 a.m. Wake up to a VERY happy baby, which in turn makes sleepy mama a little bit easier to deal with in the wee hours of the morning.

7:30 – 8:00 a.m.  Breakfast, get dressed, get older brother ready for school. This generally goes without a hitch because happy baby is more than willing to sit and eat at this moment in time.

8:30 a.m. Walk older brother to school, happy baby loves this and usually talks all the way there.

9:00 a.m. On the way home happy baby is starting to show signs of sleepiness and usually within the 15 minutes it takes us to get home, happy baby has become sleeping baby, at which time I take sleeping baby up to her bed and she drifts away into la-la land.

10:00 – 10:30 a.m. Happy baby is usually back, although sometimes she is replaced by screaming baby, I don’t much care for screaming baby. I prefer happy baby, just as happy baby prefers happy mama… do you see the connection here??

10:30 a.m. – 12:00 p.m. Usually consists of happy baby playing with toys or happy mama, puttering around, or trying to figure out how many things she can pull out of how many places. It is a generally content time of day for her, but is quickly replaced by hungry baby.

12:00 – 12:30 p.m. Hungry baby has lunch, and since hungry baby has decided that she will not eat food that is fed to her on a spoon this lunch is more often than not made up of itty-bitty pieces of food that she can pick up and force into her ever open mouth. But hungry baby is happy with this and happy baby commonly returns in no time at all.

1:00 – 1:30 p.m.  Happy baby is usually playing around and getting into trouble where ever possible at this point. This is where annoyed and overwhelmed mama sees that happy baby is actually sleepy baby in disguise and takes charge declaring nap time. Sleepy baby in disguise will often protest to this undesired downtime, loudly! Sometimes this outspoken protest will only last a few minutes, though other times it will last over half an hour. But ordinarily sleepy baby will eventually drift off.

3:00 p.m. Take note that happy, relaxed mama has usually returned by this time and is happily cleaning, writing, or catching up on missed reading, when she looks at the clock and realises that it is time to pick up older brother from school. occasionally happy mama will have to wake sleepy baby, but most often happy baby will be awake and cooing to herself in her bed contentedly. When happy mama does have to wake sleepy baby, sleepy baby is grumpy baby for a few minutes before getting herself together. Happy baby and happy mama will walk to the school to pick up older brother, and grab a much-needed coffee on the way. (Coffee for happy mama, not happy baby, although happy baby does have an absurd attraction to Tim Hortons cups, happy mama thinks it would be inappropriate to give happy baby coffee, no matter how cute happy baby is!!)

3:30 – 4:00 p.m. Happy baby, mama, and older brother will walk home and talk…. all is fine at the moment… but this is where it starts to go wrong for happy mama….

4:00 – 5:00 p.m. Happy mama becomes busy mama, happy baby will stay happy for a period while she plays with her older brother and busy mama cooks, but happy baby does not like to be far away from any mama and so in time she will putter around and seek out busy mama. Closer to dinner time happy baby begins to show signs of becoming grumpy baby, and often busy mama has to carry grumpy baby while she is cooking. (probably not the safest thing to do, and I am sure if I was a celebrity the photos from the paparazzi would be right up there with Britney Spears driving with child in lap. But a mama’s got to do what a mama’s got to do right? and don’t worry I don’t drive anyway so no worries.)

5:00 – 5:30 p.m. Dinner time! Often grumpy baby will calm down enough to eat dinner, often enjoying her time as hungry baby as she shovels whatever her plump little hands can manage to get into her mouth. (BTW hungry baby is a food hoarder!! but I will get to that in a later post, it’s really quite disturbing.)

5:30 p.m. Happy baby bath time!! Happy baby loves the bath, but happy baby has decided she only likes the bath when happy mama is in it too… and so happy baby and happy mama will climb into the happy bath and splash, play, wash, and sing. This usually lasts a short period as happy baby really does not have a long attention span. 

Then it all falls apart…..

6:00 p.m. Happy baby is no longer… you may catch glimpses of happy baby but miserable, crying, whining, sleepy baby is out in full force. The next hour consists of little split second attempts at amusement in order to keep miserable, crying, whining, sleepy baby awake until 7:00 p.m.  Miserable, crying, whining, sleepy baby will play with the light switch for 3.5 minutes, she will play with the ball for 2.8 minutes, she will look at a picture for 4.3 minutes, she will listen to a story for 3.9 mintues, and she will NOT allow you to put her down for 0.1 mintues! The split second attempts at amusement usually last about a half hour, at which time happy mama has long been replaced with tired, fed-up mama and she ships miserable, crying, whining, sleepy baby off to bed……

Sleepy baby will sometimes sleep through the night until morning, she will sometimes cry out lightly and sooth back to sleep on her own, she will even whine at times until a bottle is brought to her mouth (yes another no-no I’m aware, desperate times people!) and drift back into a deep slumber, but sometimes happy baby will awaken as speed induced psychopath baby and terrorize relaxing mama half to death!!!

You can see where the issue lies, I prefer happy baby, I want to keep happy baby at all times, or as much of the time as humanly possible… I don’t like  miserable, crying, whining, sleepy baby, and I just don’t want to see her if I can avoid it. Happy mama has tried tips from other happy mama’s, happy mama has tried cutting out naps, has tried pushing back dinner, bath, etc… but happy mama really does not like  miserable, crying, whining, sleepy baby and so happy mama continues on….. but now happy mama is in search of another solution, a better solution, a solution that will keep happy baby happy and make happy mama even happier… and so the expedition begins…and happy mama is not so happy about this!!!!

Cut The Crap!

A typical queue at Tim Hortons

Image via Wikipedia

I was reading Yahoo Answers today, yes I was bored, and I came across a simple question that had very surprising answers. 

The Question simply asked, if you are waiting in line and someone cuts in front of you, what do you usually do? 

Now this is a pretty basic question, but the answers are what shocked me most, out of the 124 replies there were so many passive responses. Maybe I am wrong, maybe not but I personally can not sit by and say nothing while I watch another person act like they are better than every other person around them. I am not saying I would attack this person with a dead bird, maybe I wouldn’t even raise my voice, but I would make it clear that they are no better than I or any other person in the line-up and they should resume their position at the back of the line. 

Of course there are times when people say nothing I suppose but I am just not made that way. One morning at Tim Hortons while I was waiting in line for a much-needed, I can not stress the word MUCH enough, coffee and man in a wheelchair came in and cut in front of everyone. Perhaps I would have let this one slide out of pure respect, except not only did he cut in front of all these people who were pleasant enough to allow it, he then proceeded to order 8 COFFEES and an assortment of BAGELS! At that point I could no longer hold my tongue, but instead of directly addressing this man I decided I would address the other patrons, as I know deep inside each and every one of them wanted to take that wheelchair by the handles and roll it down a hill….sorry I know it is politically incorrect but someone has to say it! I made comments about how it must be nice to just roll-in in such style, comments like how I wasn’t worried, I mean I had all day to wait for my coffee. Others were a little more polite although one man did join in with me saying; not like I needed to be at work on time today or anything anyway, might as well just take up camp. NOW LET ME STATE, this man was not overly disabled or anything, he was in the wheelchair more due to the fact that he was older and probably unable to get far on his feet. It was not so much the line cutting that bothered me; it was the complete disregard he had for any other person in that line. NOT TO BE RUDE but honestly you are no better, or worse off, than the rest of us, a wheelchair means priority parking, not royal status at restaurants and shops. Sorry but like I said someone’s got to say it. 

Perhaps next time you consider cutting in line you will take pity on us lesser folk, and perhaps, just by chance, next time someone sees this happening they will realise that it is an injustice, no matter how small, and should be addressed accordingly. You are no better than anyone else, and they are no better than you, treat those how you wish to be treated cause Karma’s a BITCH! 

What it comes down to is simple courtesy, at least an ounce of respect for those around you, a common knowledge that you are not any better than any other person who is waiting in line. But as I have stated before and I am sure I will again ignorance seems to be consuming the world!!!