12 Simple Lessons That Will Make Life a Little Easier (for everyone)


Well it has been a long and tiresome battle the last few months, but I can finally say that I have reached the light beyond the horizon…. I have barely had a moment to myself over the last while and the toll it has taken on my mind is indescribable. After a long hard journey, lots of stress and the odd dramatic outburst, I think I deserve a little break! And that is exactly what I am doing at this moment… Kicked back in my leather reclining rocker with my feet up and my laptop rested at my fingertips, I am basking in the sun that is shining in the window and enjoying the silence I have at this moment. (which is a very rare thing in my house) Its been awhile since I have had either the energy, or the inspiration to write and it actually feels good to being doing so right now.

I can honestly say that through all the trials, drama, moving and chaos I have learned a great many things over the last year, simple little lessons that can make or break a person’s soul. So as I sit here, back in my ‘small city” home where I belong, far away from the constant chaos of the ‘big city” life I left behind, I will share with you these lessons in the hopes that I may (by chance) save someone else a great deal of stress and heartache by making the same mistakes I have over time…

12 Simple Lessons That Will Make Life Easier, For Everyone!

  1. You may not ‘think’ you like your life, but it’s really not that bad – You have all heard the saying ‘The grass is always greener on the other side’ but what no one ever seems to consider is that perhaps the grass is greener because there is more fertilizer on that side of the fence… A.k.a. More shit on the lawn! Look for happiness in what you have, not that which you desire. Always remember that what you have now was what you once longed for!
  2. Gossip will get you nowhere – Not only does gossip get you nowhere, it gets you nowhere alone without any friends. If you wouldn’t say it confidently and comfortably to someone’s face, don’t say it at all. Mama was right when she said, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything. Besides, the person you are gossiping with now is probably gossiping about you to someone else as well.
  3. Real friends are hard to find – You may think you know someone well. You may consider them a dear friend, but the truth is that ‘true‘ friends are few and far between. It is a sad fact of life that most people are out only for themselves, so if you find a real friend that is there when you need them most and does not expect anything in return, hold them close and never let them go. Surround yourself with people who compliment who you are and bring something positive to your life. Get rid of the ones that don’t and never feel bad about doing so. You wouldn’t do something that makes you feel bad on a regular basis, so don’t keep company that doesn’t make you feel good either.
  4. You are the most important person in your life – You might think that family or children come first, but the truth is “it’s all about you.” Without taking care of yourself, you are not going to be able to take care of those you care about. Be sure to treat yourself with the love and respect you deserve so that you are in your best shape to deal with all the other important things, and people, in your life. There is nothing wrong with being selfish, if you don’t love you who will?
  5. Your partner needs to know they are lovedAppreciation is a major part of a healthy relationship. People will give and give as long as they know it is being done for a reason, but without acknowledgement and appreciation they can only give so much. Be sure that you take the time to show your partner how much you love and appreciate them regularly and without expectation. Keep in mind how good you feel when you know you are loved and appreciated and share that joy with the ones you love.
  6. Children can make you smile even in the worst of times – Even when the world is falling down around you and it seems there is no silver lining in sight, children has this amazing ability to make you smile. Be sure that you are never to busy to take a moment and appreciate the joy that they can bring to your life. Whether they are your own, or you have to borrow someone else’s, take the time to share some joy with a child and you will find that life is never as bad as it seems.
  7. Material things will not make you happy – No matter how big your T.V how nice your furniture, or how fancy your house, material things are not going to make you happy. You can shop until you drop, but if you are not fulfilled in other aspects of your life these purchase are going to be made in vain. What good is a huge house if it is empty? What’s the point of a fast car if you have nowhere to drive it? Pretty things are not pretty locked away from the world. Any way you look at it, things are just things and without true happiness they mean nothing.
  8. Money is not everything – As with material things money is not going to make you happy so don’t kill yourself trying to figure that out.
  9. Having money can save a lot of stress – Although money is not going to make you happy, it can combat stress. Having enough money to survive comfortably is a great stress relief, this is especially true for people in relationships. Most marital spats are centered around financial issues and it is one of the major causes of both divorce and depression in many. This is not to say you will be stress free if you are rich, and it is not saying you need to be rich at all, but good budgeting and a secure savings will help alleviate stress and make life a little easier in one aspect.
  10. You must work and play equally – Burning the candle at both ends when it comes to your career might gain you success in your field, but it wont do anything for your social life. Studies show that in order to be truly content with your life you must have balance between work and play. Instead of busting your butt trying to be number one at work, try to be number one to yourself, do what makes you happy, forget everything else and focus on being content and well-rounded. This approach will save you large amounts of stress, and may very well change your current path in life.
  11.  Everything happens for a reason – Even in the darkest clouds there is a silver lining. No matter what happens in your life you need to look at it as a lesson and learn from it. This is not to say that you should ‘let go and move on’ like some people suggest, quite the contrary, some lessons are lengthy and take time to learn. Just like algebra, more complex lessons require more detailed study. This just means that you need to see the positive in everything that happens in life, even in the worst situations there is something great that can be learned, all you have to do is look for the lesson and be open to accepting it. Don’t see an issue as an obstacle, see it as a challenge and face it willingly with an open mind.
  12. You must let go of the American Dream This is probably the most important thing you will ever do in life. Letting go of the American Dream can easily change your life. A big house, perfect career, loving partner, 2.5 kids and a dog may suit some, but it doesn’t suit everyone and it is high time you accept it if it doesn’t suit you. Instead of trying to keep up with the Joneses focus on keeping yourself content. For some this may mean marriage, kids and all the works. It may mean owning a tattoo parlor and piercing your eyelids. Whatever the case, live YOUR dream, not the one that society says is perfect or you will never ‘truly’ be happy in life.

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it, all you can really do is accept it with open arms. Take time to appreciate all the little things it has to offer and never let a moment pass without being thankful for all the blessings that surround you each day. Even those that suffer through the worst situations can be thankful to be alive. We only get one chance at this life, make it matter to “you.”

 

Do you have any tips, lessons or advice to make life easier? What are some of the rules you live by? Share your thoughts and tips in the comment section below. 

 

Cheers.

 

Questions, Comments, Inquiries and Submissions can be sent to:
chasek8@live.ca

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Women and Insecurities: An Overview of a Deep Rooted Issue


Low self-esteem is a big issue in today’s society, especially among women. Women are known for being insecure, you see it every time a woman asks “Does this make me look fat?” We are emotional creatures by nature, and we often rely on others to make us feel good. We turn to friends for support and reassurance, and often drive our partners mad with our constant need to pick ourselves apart.

Why do woman have such a negative view of themselves, and what can be done to change this negative thinking pattern? How do we battle this silent menace? and What is causing women to feel so low?

To define self-esteem is a very deep and thoughtful task; Self-esteem comes from the inside out. Self-esteem basically means; “you should not rely on another person to make you feel good about yourself, you should know that you are fine, even perfect, just the way you are”.Self-esteem is the ability to see yourself as the strong, sensual, sexy, smart woman you are, both inside and out. No matter your shape, size, color, or class level.

Take a long look in the mirror right now… What do you see?

What features do you like most about yourself physically? Emotionally?

What have you accomplished lately that makes you feel proud? What are your goals for the future?

Are you happy with the person you are, both physically and emotionally? Are you content with your life? Appearance?

Chances are at least one of these ‘simple‘ questions makes you feel uncomfortable. But Why?

Woman, for whatever reason, have historically been programmed to be hard on themselves, to find faults, and to down-play their accomplishments. It is put into our heads somewhere along the line that we should not be boastful, that we should not voice our pride in ourselves, and that we should only allow others to tell us when we can feel, and express, pride and confidence… This may sound outrageous to some of you.. and if it does than I am proud of you, because the truth is; a substantial number of women, of all shapes, sizes, races, and class levels, struggle with self-esteem issues on one level or another during their lifetime.

Often woman who express pride in themselves, or their accomplishments open are accused of being conceited. There is a big difference between confidence and conceit. Two very big differences that often get confused; Confidence is the ability to see your strengths and accomplishments, and the desire to want to share them with others. Confidence is pride in who you are, it is acceptance of yourself flaws, faults, and the whole package. Confidence only becomes conceit when the woman is not aware of the areas in which she still wishes to improve and grow, and she portrays herself as being perfect, Conceit is often a cover-up for low self-esteem, it is a defense mechanism for a deeper issue, and is often a person’s way of making themselves feel good, not superior.

Women come in all different shapes, we are different colors, we have different opinions, different dress sizes, and different lifestyles, but inside, each and every one of us is the same. The person staring back at you in the mirror should not be the soul of who you are…

I will tell you the story of Beth. Beth is a beautiful, intelligent, and successful woman. Beth has a great job, two wonderful children, and a loving husband. She drives a nice car, owns her dream house, and vacations twice a year as she desires. She has a wardrobe to die for, and the kind of life most women only dream of, but Beth is unhappy. Overcome by constant insecurity, Beth is about 30 lbs over her desired weight, she is constantly seeking reassurance that she is attractive from her husband, and even though he willing assures her on a regular basis that he loves her just the way she is, Beth suffers bouts of depression due to her dislike for herself and her negative thinking patterns. Beth can not see her accomplishments, she can not see her success, and she can not see her obvious beauty… Beth can not see past her dress size.

Then there is Ashley, a strong independent woman over forty, she is single by choice, and successful in her career. Ashley will tell you that she is happy with her life, she has no fear telling you that she is a good person, and she willingly shares details about her recent accomplishments, and her future goals. She admits that she has personal issues she needs to work on, but she feels she is a good person in general and is happy with her life overall. She will also tell you that she is single, not because something is wrong with her, but because she wants to find someone who ‘fits’ into her lifestyle, rather than trying to have her lifestyle ‘fit’ someone else. Ashley is also about 30 lbs over her desired weight.

How can two women who are both beautiful, brilliant, and successful have such different opinions of their lives, and themselves?

It’s Self-esteem….

Where Beth sees failure, Ashley sees a challenge, she sees a goal, and she sees success. Ashley sees her weight for what it is, simply a part of herself. If you ask Ashley she will easily admit that she wishes to lose a few pounds, but she will also tell you that ‘as long as she is healthy and happy it is not much of a priority to her at the moment.’ Ashley has the confidence to know that, although she may be a bigger dress size than she hopes to be, image is not everything.

I would love to find the person that decided women in magazines should be a size 3 and slap them silly. This tiny, ridiculous fact alone has caused more pain then it ever should have. Women unrealistically feel compelled to live up to this “Barbie Media” standard that doesn’t exist, when the reality of life should be who you are inside, and how you feel about yourself, not what you look like, what size you wear,or how big your breasts are, and certainly not what some ‘airbrushed Barbie Doll looks like in comparison!

Self-esteem is a core personality trait that is essential to our happiness and success as an individual. It is a major cause of depression in women, and the biggest obstacle that teen girls battle on a regular basis, and It’s no wonder with societies obsession with size and the media’s definition of beauty.

So how do we build self-esteem in a world that is constantly battling to break it down???

  • Accept who you are faults, flaws, and facts – Accept right now that your body ‘is what it is’, forget the size 3 dress you fit into when you were 12, and stop starving yourself in the hopes of becoming Kate Moss. Be yourself, and love yourself, every flaw, sag, fat cell, stretch mark, and pimple…
  • Get over what you have done wrong – Allowing yourself to make mistakes is the easiest way to learn, and grow. Accept that life may not be what you planned for yourself, and focus instead on what this has taught you. Take these mistakes and turn them into lessons for the future, and view the mistakes you will make in the same light… There will never be a time in life when you won’t screw up one way or another. Remember in life, “It is not that you fell in the first place that matters, it is how fast you got up to try again that counts”.
  • Take control of your choices – The number one mistake we all make is blaming others for our unhappiness. If you don’t like something change it, if you can’t change it change the way your react to it. There are always choices in life, it is up to you to make the best ones for yourself. Forget for a minute what others will think, and focus on how you will feel, base your decisions on that alone, and aim for the option that will create the most happiness in your life. Remember, if you are happy with yourself, others will be happy with you as well, and it will be easier for you to help others find their happiness… but remember happiness is only something you can create for yourself, you can not produce it for someone else, nor can they provide it for you.When you are happy though it will show and reflect on others, a smile is like an infectious disease, contagious!
  • See the silver lining – Every single situation has a positive point of view, it is up to you to find it. Instead of looking at something as terrible find three positives in it. No matter how bad a situation may seem you will always be able to find three reasons that it not all bad. Think first about the opportunity it presents, think about the growth it may allow, and think about the chances it may produce. Change and challenge can be difficult, and they sometimes involve pain, or even sadness. It is fine to address these emotions as they arise, but it is also important that you see the positive they represent as well. Positive thinking brings positive results, try it out, what have you got to lose?
  • If all else fails, Fake it! – If worse comes to worse, and you find yourself wallowing in self-doubt, fake confidence for a little while. Often times faking confidence leads to actually feeling confident. When you make something a habit it becomes natural, so walk with your shoulders back and your head held high, even if you aren’t feeling it. Talk and act like a confident, self-assured, person and eventually you will start to believe you are. Just as negative thinking becomes a pattern we easily fall into, positive thinking can be just as simple to achieve.. all it takes is a little imagination, consistency, and a bit of time.

Everyone suffers from low self-esteem at one point or another, the key is to seek help when it’s needed, and resolve to accept yourself for who you are. Don’t worry about what others think of your image, or your actions, all that should matter is how you feel inside. Most importantly don’t try to be something you are not, we were each created differently for a reason, embrace your uniqueness and celebrate your differences, don’t aim to change those things you consider flaws, instead look at how they have made you who you are today. Be the best person you can be, and do what makes you happy. Remember that you are in control of your happiness, and it is but a mere choice away, no one but you can create it, or break it, so don’t rely on, or expect others, to do it for you, (they can’t and usually won’t) set out to achieve it on your own.

You are strong, smart, and beautiful…. You are perfect, just the way you are!


Until Next Time….

Write On!