Living With Wild Monkeys… a.k.a. The Wrath of the Toddler..

Stewie Griffin

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I saw this little poem on ‘Be a Fun Mum‘ and I thought I would share it with you. My daughter L recently turned 1 year-old, and is now on-the-go (a.k.a. destroying the house and driving me mad)

She is a; stubborn, (from me) Temperamental, (from dad) and completely adorable (definitely from me ;P) little devil!! It seems lately that every time I turn around I am grabbing something out of her mouth, hand, or general reach. I am constantly pulling her down off things, out of things, and away from things… it is like living with a rabid monkey. When you do have to take something from her, usually some small or disgusting object that will, no doubt, end up in her mouth, an item which usually you have no idea how she got it or often where it even came from, it is a war zone… Once you manage to catch her in order to get the object in question (she has started running the minute you approach) you must then attempt to pry it from her grasp… toddlers have an amazing amount of strength and determination… it is like trying to get a knot out of a necklace… she wraps those tiny fingers tight and wiggles like mad… if you do manage to pry the object from those tiny little sausage fingers you will then be faced with the astonishingly loud sound of her wails…. My daughter has the lungs of an opera singer.. When she cries you can hear her clear to the moon… Never in my life have I met a child with a louder, or more annoying scream than this little girl… and she uses this knowledge to her advantage in every possible situation!

Don’t let her age fool you know, this manipulative little devil KNOWS what’s going on, and she strategically plots out her ‘plan of action’ in order to get what she wants. I swear if I lifted the mattress of her crib I would surely find blue prints and intricate outlines on a mission to take over the world… she is like a cuter, less violent version of ‘Stewie’ from family guy!!!

Needless to say she is spoiled rotten because Daddy can’t bear to see her cry… and despite it all she is adorable, and loving when she wants to be….

This poem is a remind that it’s a good thing kids are cute… Enjoy!


If it is on, I must turn it off.

If it is off, I must turn it on.

If it is folded, I must unfold it.

If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.

If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.

If it is high, it must be reached.

If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.

If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.

If it has leaves, they must be picked.

If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.

If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.

If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.

If it is closed, it must be opened.

If it does not open, it must be screamed at.

If it has drawers, they must be rifled.

If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.

If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.

If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.

If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.

If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest.

It must be pushed by me instead.

If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.

If Mommy’s hands are full, I must be carried.

If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.

If it is paper, it must be torn.

If it has buttons, they must be pressed.

If the volume is low, it must go high.

If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.

If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.

If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.

If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.

If it is a phone, I must talk to it.

If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.

If it doesn’t stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.

If it is not food, it must be tasted.

If it IS food, it must not be tasted.

If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.

If it is a car-seat, it must be protested with arched back.

If it is Mommy, it must be hugged.

I am toddler!

– author unknown


If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, “keep away from children.”
Susan Savannah


One thought on “Living With Wild Monkeys… a.k.a. The Wrath of the Toddler..

  1. Pingback: Six Reasons Why Summer Sucks… « Random Musings Of A Mad Mama!

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