I Resolve To…..


Dictionary.com defines the word Resolution as;

– the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.
I have spent a lot of time thinking about my resolutions this year. Usually I stick to the same basic ideas;
  1. Spend more time with my kids, family, and friends
  2. Get organized
  3. Write More/Write Better
  4. Quit smoking

But this year these don’t seem to cut it, they don’t inspire me to change the way my life is, which (I won’t lie) is a situation that desperately needs a change! I thought of hundreds of resolutions, I wrote and re-wrote list after list, some serious, some a little more light-hearted. Among those exterminated from my final list (which will follow at the end of this post) were;

  • I will stop considering other people’s feelings when they so clearly do not consider mine. – although this may be helpful to me, but it may cause more drama than good in the long run!
  • I will not lie ever again – I do want to be more honest, but never lying again can be a real issue in itself, look at the movie Liar, Liar!
  • I will make myself happy, no matter how many bottles of wine it takes – hmmmm…. I don’t think becoming a raging alcoholic will do anyone any good, even if it does make me smile more.
  • I will Quit smoking  (well, I will cut back, I will smoke light cigarettes, I will not smoke while sitting down.) – It is probably in everyone’s best interest that I DON’T attempt to quit smoking this year, perhaps that can wait until 2012!
  • I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store – or one from each store within a 30 mile radius, that should at least double my chances of winning!
  • I will not swear – that is just setting myself up for disappointment
  • Eat healthier by adding more lettus to my BLT’s – I better rethink, and expand on this one!!
  • I will clear the clutter from my bank account by taking a trip to Las Vegas

Although some of the above may be beneficial in some way (mostly to me) I doubt that they will provide the changes that I desire in my life at the moment. So I sat down last night, in the dark, quiet comfort of my house and thought, really thought, long and hard about what it is that my life needs at the moment….

I decided that I am sick of goals that just get pushed aside, goals that are for the benefit of everyone but me, I am not worried too much about my health and so working out, or eating healthy are not top priority to me this year, I am generally active, and I don’t eat too badly. I also decided that the number one thing I need to focus on this year is my happiness and my confidence levels. I decided that I need to learn to make myself happy. I have spent much of my life relying on others to do things for me, to make me happy, to make me whole. I need to learn to give ‘myself’ these things. And so…. My final list of resolutions reads as follows;

  1. Be a better mother – Over the last few years I am ashamed to say that I feel as if I have neglected the need of ‘family time’. With the birth of my daughter L (now 10 months old) I think it is time I get back to the groove of having quality time with my children. I want them to grow up with a strong sense of the importance of family. I want them to know that no matter the shape, size, or situation a family means love, time, and happiness. And so… I resolve to spend more time with my children, “real-time” getting to know them, and helping them learn and grow. The same goes for time with my family and friends as well, I have neglected them all beyond all belief in the past few years, and I want to spend 2011 reconnecting with the people who love and support me in spite of, or because of, my mistakes.
  2.  Sort out my issues –  As I said before I have relied on other people for entertainment and fulfilment for a long time, it has become a serious issue in my life. It has been the root cause of many of the mistakes, poor choices, and trouble I have faced. I plan to find the source of my insecurity with myself, find ways to amuse myself, and learn to truly love myself without the needing the constant approval of another person.
  3. Inspire myself more – I have lost the unlimited creativity I once had. I used to see inspiration in everything, I could open my eyes in the morning and be filled with a million wonderful things to be grateful for, a million things I could write about, a million things that I could easily turn into a million more. I want to start writing more, yes, of course I do, but it is more about the “wanting” than it is about the writing. I want to actually ‘want’ to write and feel inspired by my writing for myself, as well as to inspire others if possible.
  4. Laugh more – Life is too short to spend worrying, I want to laugh, love, live and enjoy each and every moment I have. I used to be the person that people came to when they needed to smile, or feel good. I used to enjoy helping people see the bright side of any situation, and although I can still easily speak the words they need to hear I don’t feel those things myself inside. I want to be happy and joyful again.
  5. Procrastinate less – I am the queen of excuses, I can easily list a hundred reasons off the top of my head to not do something I want to, or should do, right now. I never seem to get anything finished, and most of the time I barely get them started. So this year I am making the choice to actually “DO” something, no matter how big or small if I want to do it, or need to do it, I am just going to do it!
  6. Do what makes ME happy – I think this is what ties any and all of the above goals together. I want to do things that make ME happy. I know that in life it is important to consider others feelings, but I also think that too often we neglect ourselves because we are worried about what others think, feel, or how they will react. Well…I am done with all that! Don’t get me wrong, I will not intentionally hurt someone, but I will not hurt myself or neglect my needs either. I am going to make my choices based on how I will feel, or what I will accomplish in the long run, not based on what others will think. I once gave up a great opportunity in life because I was worried about hurting someone close to me… it is now years later and that person is long gone from my life, as is the amazing opportunity I turned down. I chose to put someone else before my dreams, needs, and success, and that person was not worth it. I think that if someone is meant to be a part of my life they will stand by me, support me, and still be there when I am done with whatever I choose to do. I want to do what “I” need to make myself happy, and hopefully through being happier myself, I will be more able to make others happy as well.

 

For some these goals may not seem like true New Year’s resolutions, and sure I could have just written a list of things I will never accomplish and forget it in a week, but that is what got me where I am today! So instead I have chosen goals that will last not only through 2011, but throughout my life. By accomplishing these personal goals I will be able to take on the others with confidence and pride. And who knows maybe these ‘personal’ goals will lead me towards others…. the sky is the limit in 2011 and I am ready to fly!!!

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One thought on “I Resolve To…..

  1. Pingback: See You On The Flipside « K8's Krazy Thoughts

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