This Year It’s All About Me!!!

With a New Year fast approaching I can not help but reflect on years past, looking back over time can be a very depressing thing to do at times. Each year after Christmas is complete and I discover my sanity still (somewhat) intact, I set out to start my list of New Years resolutions. I am the type that makes big, extravagant, life-changing resolutions. For days I write and re-write my list of goals until it is perfect, until it reads exactly as I desire the next twelve months of my life to play-out. Each year I include important items on that list such as; write more often, complete your book, volunteer, choose a course for, and attend, college, and spend more time with my family. Each year begins with great gusto, I set out to accomplish these goals with the force of a warrior intent on single-handedly saving the world, yet each year this list of goals is quickly pushed aside for more pressing issues that require my attention, like; dishes, laundry, children, and life in general.

This is especially true of the last few years of my life, where I feel I have accomplished ‘nothing’. I know that this is not actually the case; I have moved 3 times, worked, had a baby, started to write more, loved, lost, gained, lost some more, and learned a hell of a lot from my mistakes…. but place my list of accomplishments next to my list of resolutions from the last few years, and it is unimpressive.

Somewhere along the journey of life I have lost my desire to set out and achieve great things, not that I don’t try now, but my achievements are very different at this point. The last few years I aim more to just make it through the day in one piece, rather than make it around the world in one year. I strive to have happy children, rather than make children in Africa happy. I aim for passable, rather than perfection. I still have goals, they are just simple, and often seem un-rewarding in a sense. I don’t jump for joy when I get all the laundry done, the house clean, or the kids to bed without a fight. I don’t celebrate when I manage to cook dinner without starting a small kitchen fire, and I don’t hoot and holler when I spend time doing something that I actually wanted to do. Instead I get things done little by little and force myself through each day. It’s saddening at times, I think back to years ago and often wonder what happened to that young girl with big dreams and even bigger drive? I wonder where the part of me went that wanted to achieve greatness? I know the dreams are still in me, but I excuse them at the drop of a hat… I push them aside with the justification that I have children who need me, a family to support, and responsibilities to tend to, I convince myself that my dreams are unachievable, and that is a terrible thing to do to yourself.

So this year, as I sit down to write my list I am going to remind myself that yes, although I have children who need my care, love and attention to be happy, I also need to be happy as well. I need to remember that the happier I am, the better I will be as a parent. I need to remind myself that sometimes life can wait, and that dreams (no matter how big or small) are worth at least trying to achieve. The worst that can happen is failure, and even failure is a lesson learned, thus success in some sense.

I will post my list once it is completed, and I hope others will share theirs… this year my list will consist of simpler goals, but goals that will fit ‘me’! One of them is definitely going to be “Do what makes me happy, even if it seems hard, or wrong.” The next year is going to be all about me, because I deserve at least one year of attention I think!!!


3 thoughts on “This Year It’s All About Me!!!

  1. Pingback: I Resolve To….. « K8's Krazy Thoughts

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