That’s a Wrap…


I discovered late last night that any hopes or dreams I may have had about ever becoming a professional gift wrapper have now officially been wiped out entirely. Visions of exquisitely wrapped presents, beautiful bows, and perfectly folded ‘army bed sheet type’ edges are not dancing inside my head any longer, at this point I simply want these damn presents covered completely, with as little effort as humanly possible.

You see, my original perfect Christmas gift strategy was to cart all the gifts up to the mall and pay the nice old ladies to wrap them for me! It is a charitable fundraiser that the mall hosts every year. The nice ladies behind a large folding table will charge you $2-$6 per gift. They wrap them beautifully in shiny paper, with sparkling ribbon, delicate bows, and neatly written tags, and all proceeds go to a charity in need. It is a win-win situation! Yet instead of sticking to my original plan, (mostly due to the furrowed eyebrows, and head shake of disapproval I got when I mentioned this idea, you know that “nonsense” head shake people give you when you mention something completely outrageous) I sat on my livingroom floor surrounded by, what I have now decided is a ridiculous amount, of gifts and attempted to reproduce the perfect packages I witnessed the ‘charity ladies’ create with such natural ease.

The end result is shamefulso shameful in fact, that I refuse to even post a picture! Luckily there are two positive points that have saved me from bursting into tears at my total lack of wrapping talent; 1) My children will be so eager to tear the wrapping paper to shreds in order to get at the present inside, that they will not realize the gifts look as if Santa was wrapping while high on Crack!! 2) No one but my children and I will be preset to bear witness to the sad scene that will be our Christmas gifts under the tree… Luckily, most of the gifts that others will receive are going to be gift cards, and the ones that are not will now be placed easily into beautifully created gift bags. (Beautifully created by someone else)

It’s not that my lack of talent in the gift wrapping department comes as a total shock, I have never really been good at ‘hands on’ types of things, I am no good with arts and crafts, objects with small pieces, or the creation physical things in general. I can come up with the ideas, plan the outcome and the design, and they look beautiful inside my head, but unless someone else is doing the ‘physical labour’, something always seems to go terribly wrong. Perhaps it has to do with my complete disregard for paying attention to detail??? Honestly sometimes I wonder how I do anything!! Honestly, this is not an exaggeration, a car could drive itself through my livingroom and I would probably not be able to tell you what colour it was!!! Seriously, I know, it’s sad really!!

Because of this natural lack I have for paying attention to detail I can undoubtedly cross the following career options off my life list as well;

  • Lawyer – I am not a particularly good liar anyway, so it is probably for the best.
  • Scientist – I am sure that option would end very badly!!
  • Teacher – Hmmm.. don’t really care for children anyhow!
  • Accountant – Which, again, is fine because numbers scare the heck out of me!
  • Doctor – Another situation where lack of attention to detail could be a big issue.
  • Crime Scene Investigator – That’s fine because I don’t really think I want to deal with dead bodies anyway, granted they wouldn’t be much of a bother I assume, not like they could distract you from your work! (I know that was a little twisted, sorry!)
  • Baker/Chef – Not only do I not pay attention to detail, I don’t follow directions well either, so this option is also out…

And too many more to list…. (but too depressing to continue) It really is sad when you look at it that way, perhaps I should work on this issue, but I guess that would again require me paying attention to details, and that’s the issue in the first place isn’t it???? Kind of redundant really!

Anyway, so there I am at 11 p.m. sitting on my livingroom floor surrounded by all these gifts (kicking myself in the butt for buying so many awkward shaped items) carelessly attempting to manipulate impossibly thin, and fragile, wrapping paper around crudely shaped gifts with the expectation that the final outcome will in some way resemble a Martha Stewart Holiday Special creation!

My haphazard attempt was unsuccessful, to say the least, the result was a little more ‘trash’ than ‘treasure’ and 3 hours, 6 rolls of wrapping paper and 4 gifts later, I admitted defeat for the evening….  Unhappily lugging unwrapped presents back to the storage closet, cleaning up mountains of shredded paper particles, and picking pieces of scotch tape off my tush, toes, and table top. I decided that next year I would do a good deed and give something back, I would pay those nice ladies at the mall to wrap my presents perfectly, to adorn them with elegant bows, fancy ribbon, and luxurious paper, I don’t care if it costs my life savings (trust me that is not a major splurge) it is worth the piece of mind to give a beautiful gift to someone and say “Didn’t I wrap this beautifully? I must be a natural!” 

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