Shop Till I Drop…You!

I think I may be devloping some form of social anxiety. 14 Days till Santa comes, and I have STILL not purchased one gift…. I have though, travelled to the mall, Walmart, and various other stores, countless numbers of times, with the intention of purchasing Christmas gifts, only to become overwhelmed, irritated, confused, distressed, pissed off with the stupidity of holiday shoppers. Which in turn causes me to immediately run back to the comfort, and safety, of my home, vowing never to enter such depths of hell again, ever! Any attempts at gifts are left strewn in the aisles, blocking the paths of angry shoppers, who are probably muttering obscenities as I dash from the store, purse clutched in hand, and steam shooting from my ears.

In fact, this complete misery towards holiday shopping means, that with 14 days till Christmas… not only do I still not have one present, I don’t even have a TREElet alone decorations, stockings, or any of the items that any normal person has purchased, or pulled out of storage, by this time in December…..

My latest trip to Walmart ended abruptly when a nice lady (and by nice I mean super psycho bitch) with her 5 screaming children, attempted to run me down with her cart as I reached, (simpy out of curiosity) a doll that she apparently desired!  “Here you go sunshine, you have crack-head Barbie, your daughter will have more fun with it in the trailer park where came from I’m sure! In fact the next time your on Jerry Springer, maybe she can take the Barbie along to keep her entertained on the flight!”

I know, I’m evil…. and honesty,I am really, really sorry! No, I did not say this out loud to the woman, who btw, proceeded to swear at me, and inform me she had the stupid doll first, yeah OK with you Go-go gadget arms three aisles over…No, I’m serious!  Here you go psycho, there was no fight for it in the first place, I was just looking at it.  This family was crying out for Super Nanny, her children were running circles around her, terrorizing other shoppers, clerks, and children. Ripping toys off the shelves, screaming, swearing, and raising my blood pressure. All while their brainless twit of a mother decided to lecture me on the basics of Walmart etiquette….. Thanks Tips!!!

What did I do??? The only rational thing I could that would keep me from landing myself in Prison for the holidays. I looked this haggard woman right in the eyes, (and trust me I am sure, mostly from the look in those exhausted, overworked, and over stressed eyes, she was not intending to be rude, I know that she was just as tired, and worn out as I, probably even more so with ranting, raving, out-of-control children like hers) and said “Merry Christmas” as I bound out of the toy aisle, and through the crowd at the automatic doors.

Now in the safety of my home I am disappointed in myself…. How the hell am I going to explain to my children why there are no presents under the invisible tree????

I really have to get a grip and pull myself together…. Tomorrow I will set out to at least buy a tree!!

As for Christmas presents, I have decided that next week, bright and early on Monday morning when all the little devil children are in school, I will do all of my Christmas shopping at Zellers…. Usually I am strictly a Walmart shopper, as the prices are often better suited to my budget, but a few extra bucks to save my sanity might be worth it this year. A I recently remembered, from a time when I used to work there, that for some reason it seems everyone has forgotten Zellers exists…which suits me fine!

So please…Shhhh…don’t remind anyone of my soon to be peaceful Oasis!!


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