I have been having a lot of conversations about sex recently…. I don’t now if I come across as an open-minded person, or if I have the look of a porn star, but people just talk to me about sex…all the time. Thankfully, I am very open and honest, and it is not an uncomfortable subject for me to discuss. Recently though I have heard a lot from people in relationships who are saying that they have a dismal, or non-existent sex life, and I wonder to myself if this is the norm?
I don’t live in a fantasy world, I know that after being together for many months, or even years, you can not expect to be sexually active every-single-day. I even understand that sex can turn into a routine item that people cross off their To-Do List. I am aware that sex can often lose it spontaneity, and excitement, but why?
For most people (women especially) sex is a sign of affection. We use sex to show that we care, love, and are attracted to our partner. We use sex to make ourselves feel attractive. We use sex as an outlet for stress, and an escape from the everyday life. Yet it seems to me that once a serious relationship is formed people forget what sex was about in the first place. They forget that in the beginning sex was an act between two people with the sole purpose of making each other feel good.
I fully blame television and movies for my beliefs, of course, but I think that a serious relationship should be different from the stories I have been hearing… I believe that the more comfortable you are with a person the better the sex should be….less frequently perhaps (if it must) but non-existent?
I don’t think I could allow my sex life to dwindle away, for me sex in a relationship is a sure-fire way to show my partner I appreciate them, and feel that appreciation in return. Maybe I am naïve, maybe it is because I have not had this type of relationship in my life, but I don’t think it is fair.
I honestly believe that more couples need to make the choice to have a healthy sexual relationship. When you are open about what you need sexually, you will likely be more open in all other aspects of your relationship as well. Sex is supposed to make you feel good, it is supposed to be enjoyable, it is supposed to be a way of sharing yourself with your partner in the deepest way possible. Not to say it has to be all romance and candle light…I know that sometimes the best sex is quick, rough and to the point…but that is the point.
Different moments call for different types of sexual affection, some moments call for none at all…the point is to express those moments, and be able to enjoy what you and your partner need. It is the one aspect in life where nothing should matter to you but yourselves. Not in the greedy sense, though there is nothing wrong with that on occasion, but in the sense that if you are feeling good yourself you are more likely to make your partner feel good in return.
Look back to the time when you could not get enough of each other and recreate that now, take time out to enjoy one another, to enjoy sex. Don’t let the lack of it take over, take charge of that and find new ways to enjoy, initiate, or appreciate sexual interactions with your partner. Afterall there was probably once a time when sex was a priority… why should it not be now. We all grow up, we gain responsibilities, have children, careers, and homes to tend to, but why does that mean that we can not tend to ourselves? Why does that mean that we can get down to the raw basics and enjoy the reason we wanted a relationship int he first place?…. besides companionship of course….
I guess it just scares me….. The thought that the one simplest, and most pleasurable ways, of showing someone you care about them gets tossed aside so easily. We are sexual creatures by nature, how do we so easily forget that?
Possibly, But Probably Un-Related Articles
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- How To Get Good Sex Back In Your Relationship (urbanbellemag.com)
- Is it possible to enjoy sex together? (ask.metafilter.com)
- Sex After Senior Dating (seniordating.org)
- The Rules of Relationships (psychologytoday.com)
- Keep Your Sex Life Alive Post-Kids (webmd.com)
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- At The Boys’ Club: What To Do When Your Sex Life Gets Stale (thefrisky.com)
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- Bed and bored (ask.metafilter.com)