A Mess of Stress


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It is amazing, the effect that stress has on the body, and mind. I would know. Life has been just a little bit stressful lately. With christmas fast approaching, my lack of quality budgeting skills, suddenly horrible memory, and my extreme disinterest in the holiday season all together this year…I am feeling miserable. Add to that a insane sweet little baby who no longer sleeps, a seven year-old who sleep walks, and a house that looks like an episode of Hoarders (OK I am exaggerating a bit there, but it is disorganized!) and I am about ready to check in to the local loony bin just for a break!

I don’t know what is causing my lack of interest in Christmas this year, I assume it is closely related to my above mentioned lack of budgeting skills, (which is in-turn related to my suddenly horrible memory) or if it the absence of a Christmas tree, decorations, and gifts….last year I got the brilliant idea in my head that I would just throw everything away and get a new tree and decorations this year, because “next year was going to be different, next year was going to be better. I would be making more money, I would be able to afford better things!” Well, that was a big pile of sh…..

Anyway needless to say I have to go buy these things now, and I am not in any better a position financially this year than I was last, in fact the only thing that has changed is that I now have two child to buy for…with the same amount of money! I am seriously considering a boycott…..I could easily explain how Santa had a horrible accident and he, along with all the reindeer have tragically perished…. but I guess I can’t really do that, it would probably be considered poor parenting on some level….. so I will just head to Walmart, bear the crowds, and hope for the best…

Which leads to another stressful thought….WTF is wrong with people in Walmart at this time of year???? It’s like they are insane. Old ladies are running you down with their carts, soccer moms are scrapping it out in the toy aisle over the latest intelligent novelty item on the market, children running wild, screaming, yelling, and throwing themselves on the ground in the middle of the department store. It is like a strange, dangerous obstacle course, or a jungle of wild chimpanzees…

I think Walmart creates this environment on purpose, it is probably some marketing scheme designed to drive you completely insane in the hopes that you will randomly grab things off the end displays, which are of course placed there to create higher sales brackets on those specific items, and book it for the exit at high speeds, only having to return on a later date and repeat the above process over, and over, because you have forgotten EVERYTHING you originally came in for in the first place.  (Or maybe that’s just me!) It just seems people get crazier this time of year, and shopping brings them all out of the woodwork at once.

Then there is my beautiful little devil angel, who has decided that sleep is a things of the past. She is teething, which of course doesn’t help, but that’s not even it…it is more that…. It like she thinks she is going to miss something. I swear she thinks there is a party going on after she is in bed. Never fails, at least twice a night she is awake and hyper…sometimes happy, but often lately very sad and sucky. And I love her to death, but I don’t want to see her 24 hours a day!!! So because of this lack of rest I am finding myself making bottles in my sleep, (I remember this happening with my son too, it’s scary if you think about it, what if I made it too hot and burnt her poor little mouth?) I wake up and find empty bottles that I don’t recall making at all. 

Then because of this erratic sleep pattern I am like a walking time bomb during the daytime hours. I think most people have decided they should just avoid talking to me for the time being until I can get this mess of stress sorted out, because with lack of sleep I am not the most pleasant person to be around. I admit it! I snap, yell, and have even been known to cry for no reason…once in awhile I even swear… *gasp*. I am not one of those people who thrive under pressure…at all!

Of course that could not be all there is not in my Soap Opera life, No, Of course not! There is my 7-year-old son who goes to bed perfectly fine, but awakens (well sort of) in the night walking around the house talking total nonsense! I often find him in the hallway, or the bathroom, talking about nothing, or crying about wha appears to be nothing… you ask him what’s wrong and you quickly realise that he is not exactly awake!! It is sad and creepy all at the same time, but mostly it is more frustration when I should be sleeping!!! He has had these little night terrors, as they are called, for as long as I can remember, and they used to be violent…he would scream and cry for hours at a time for no apparent reason…I am thankful that has passed, and they are only on occasion now, but it still creeps me out!

I don’t know if it all this that is driving me insane lately, or if I am maybe just a crazy person and I never knew it until now, but I find myself lost on a regular basis. I wander in circles wondering what I was doing, or what I was supposed to be doing. I lose things daily…and not just because I can not remember the last time I did a thorough cleaning, but because I apparently can not see things that are right in front of my face anymore. I will spend an hour looking for an item that is clearly out in the open for all to see.

I forget to pay bills, pick up items that are needed, or need to be done.  I write lists and forget the list at home. I truly feel like a chicken with my head cut off. The effects of such a high state of stress are endless;

  • When I do get a chance to sleep, I find myself awake at absurd hours for no reason at all.
  • If I remember to make dinner, I often forget to feed myself.
  • I walk in circles at least three times a day, with no clear indication of why I am even standing.
  • I cry sometimes, just out of the blue, usually over spilt milk…yeah, yeah, I know.
  • I am constantly snapping at people for no reason I can see, I am rude and mean at times.
  • I can not hold a normal conversation for an extended period, I lose my train of thought at the drop of a… hmmm….
  • I am tired all the time. Though as I said I can not sleep
  • I forget how to clean my house, I try, everyday.. I try, but the method of doing it has somehow escaped me.
  • I forget at least one important thing eachday…my sons lunch, my wallet, my house keys, my pants….
  • I feel like I have lost my mind….surely I must have…at least that is what I am claiming…I’m sorry! I can not be held responsible for my actions at the moment, I am crazy!

My only wish for Christmas this year???? That this all passes…Quickly and quietly. I want my bills paid, my daughter asleep, my house clean, my son firmly in his bed, my sanity intact, and a lot less stress in the New Year! That’s not too much for Santa to bring now is it???


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