How To Lose a Guy on the First Date


 You started out with high hopes of happily ever after, but the date has taken a wrong turn somewhere along the short road. Here are a few ways to ensure that you will never have to see this guy again. Try these out and you will have him running for the door…..

1. Talk about nothing but your ex, who did five years for manslaughter by the way!!

2. Inform your date of your not-so-safe past sexual history, explaining in detail the STD you got from what’s-his-name just last month.

3. Talk about yeast infections.

4. Explain that you can’t wait to get married. Describe in detail the 10, 000 dollar dress, the flowers, the food, and don’t forget the honeymoon in Bermuda.

5. Inform him that you want 10 children, and remind him that your biological clock is ticking.

6. Tell him that you think football and hockey should be banned from television because they are too violent… and just plain dumb.

7. Tell him you can’t wait for him to meet your parents. Then inform him that you father is a member of a very “friendly” biker gang.

8. Don’t forget to tell him how much you love expensive jewellery, and let him know that you don’t think women should work, at all!

9. Fart loudly, and as much as possible. Let out a few burps, and chew with your mouth wide open. Talk at an above average level as you speak of very private, and somewhat repulsive things.

10. Let him know that you are just “a little bit” addicted to crack.

Try one of these next time you are on a date and you find yourself counting dots on the ceiling, but beware that he doesn’t knock you over as he is running out the door.

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2 thoughts on “How To Lose a Guy on the First Date

  1. Pingback: My 100th Post!!!!!! « Random Musings Of A Mad Mama!

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